A Personal Experience with Nothingness, Time, Outcome, Judgement
In October 2017 I participated in a group experience in which we all meditated and each participant experienced a very unique journey. When I was done, I wrote down what I remembered of my experience. This journey had such a profound effect on me. Now I want to share it with others. I feel I will continue to grow, shift, and expand because of this experience.
“In my journey a large vulture swooped down upon my dead body and began pecking away at my heart. It just kept eating, totally unmoved by the fact that I was once alive and now I was dead. My life, my body meant nothing. Other birds flew in to indulge in the feast. There was no feeling, no reverence for the life that had once flowed through me.
I could see that these birds were doing me a favor. They were showing me my nothingness. My life had no point. My life was pointless. All I had focused to achieve, all my successes meant nothing. I was confused. I asked, “So if I am nothing, why am I here? If my life doesn’t matter, why am I here? Does my life not matter because my life is not real? If my life is not real, then what is real? Is our energy real? Is love real? What really “matters?”
As I sat with my nothingness, I began to see that in nothingness, it creates space for everything. It creates space for infinite possibility.
It felt as if time stopped. I felt my breathing stop. It was no longer necessary for me to breathe air. Time is not real. Outcomes are not real. The past and the future are not real. We are nothing without thought. Once thought enters the mind, we immediately begin to construct around that thought. Without thought we can be nothing yet everything at the same time. All we have is this moment.
Nothingness allows us to be completely experiential. As my journey came to a close, I saw myself with a huge open circle over my heart center. It had become an open portal of divine light flowing through my heart space out into the world.”
Later that evening, I reflected further on my journey. I wrote,
“We are here to experience. We experience all that love is and all that love isn’t. We are here to experience our existence. We are free to choose how we exist. We are free to choose love or to choose fear. It is our choice. We are not judged by God. The judgement we must face is our own judgement of ourselves. When we are guided by love we soar. When we are guided by our fear we suffer. We are free to choose our own path. What we must consider is our own love for our self. What we must consider is how we feel when we live out these unlimited aspects of ourselves. If we choose pleasure that is driven by our own soul level needs, we soar. We are free to choose. Do we want to be the experience of love, joy, and bliss or do we want to be the experience of pain and suffering? Nothing we actually do matters, it is how we do it that matters. All we truly have is our experience.