Competing and Compassion
By Kelly Lyn Marquis, PHA, AKC RHP
Our goal is to win every time we enter a dog show. Exhibitors and handlers are consumed with the desire to win. Winning is the defining moment of every show day. If we win, it is a good day. If we lose, it is a bad day. When we focus solely on winning and losing we often lose sight that there is a world outside of dogs and that our competitors are human beings with private lives, some of which are suffering and experiencing great tragedy and loss. During our fierce focus on competing, we often become insensitive to this.
Recently, a fellow professional handler suffered a great loss. After allowing herself some time to grieve in the privacy of her own home, she made the difficult decision to return to dog shows. I would imagine that when she came to the dog shows she was feeling raw, vulnerable, and empty. My heart when out to her as I witnessed her keeping her chin up, trying to be strong as she courageously made it through each day one step at a time.
I would imagine she carried a lot of emotion with her as she worked to serve her clients the best she could, while managing her own grief. I’m pleased to say, I saw many dog show people offering her condolences, support and showing compassion. However, at the close of her first weekend back showing dogs, still suffering from a terrible tragedy, she was verbally attacked by a competitor. Her dog defeated the competitor’s dog. According to sources, after losing, this exhibitor followed the handler back to her set up and yelled at her for running up too close to her dog. The exhibitor also went on to berate the handler stating that people didn’t like her and she had a bad reputation. It’s my understanding that the handler broke down in tears. She didn’t have the strength to handle the attack. (It’s interesting to note that the handler, showing for the angry exhibitor, was unaware the accused handler was running too close. The accuse-able offense that warranted the attack was not even obvious or blatant.)
I would like to give this angry exhibitor the benefit of the doubt and hope that she was unaware of the life circumstances the handler was facing when she chose to attack her. Regardless, in life bullies and victimizers instinctively know who they can target and get away with their domineering behavior.
I wished I had witnessed the event. I wish there was something I could have done at the time. Unfortunately I can’t go back in time. I hope this article can be a token to this fellow handler to let her know how deeply sorry I am that she had to experience hostility during such a vulnerable time in her life.
Many of us are intense competitors. I know there have been times when I too have lost perspective and lashed out. Let it always be our intention to maintain perspective and resist the urge to lash out. And, if we do succumb to our angry emotions and lash out, let’s correct it as soon as we can. Let’s own up to our mistakes and apologize. Do not force someone else to take on anger that is your responsibility to process.
We often have no clue what is transpiring in someone else’s life. Let this be a wake-up call for all of us to keep winning and losing in perspective… to cherish and uphold our humanity above all else. There’s an old saying, “It’s not about winning and losing… it’s about how you play the game.”
Published in Dog News Magazine, (date), 2018, page (xx).