There is a beast within me that is scratching and clawing. She has been caged for too long. I have silenced this beast within me because I was afraid of her intensity. I was afraid of her wanting. She has such passion and such clarity. I feared if I unleashed her, she would hurt or scare people because of her intensity. She doesn’t care about social niceties. She thinks they are stupid barriers set up by the weak minded individuals that fear true individual expression because it may threaten them. It threatens them because they too are afraid of their own inner beast.
The beast doesn’t care about rules. She is sick of limitation. She is tired of being neglected, rejected and denied. She is tired of having to stuff down her intensity because others are too fragile to handle the truth. She is tired of the lies. She knows shit. She doesn’t second guess herself. She doesn’t hesitate. She knows that if you hesitate you lose momentum. She is tired of being hidden and caged because others are not strong enough to handle her.
She knows who she is. She has always known who she is. She was told to behave and to be quiet. When Kelly listens to her she is calm and content. When Kelly ignores her she gets pissed off. She doesn’t want to settle. She doesn’t want to be placated. She is no longer willing to be denied. She doesn’t want to do it that way anymore. She’s tired of having to suffer so someone else can be comfortable. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone, she only wants to be free to express her authentic self.
As far as she is concerned, Kelly had her chance to run the show. She behaved and did what was asked because Kelly said it would be better that way. Kelly meant well, but she was ignorant. Kelly was just afraid of her. Kelly was trying to do the right thing. However, Kelly is learning to trust her. Kelly is discovering that this beast is not a hurtful creature. The beast wants individual expression. The beast is in-tuned with its very essence. The beast knows what it wants. It has a built in compass that’s knows the way home.